On the Fifth Day of Christmas

12 Days of Christmas - Day 5
500 words
Theme: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Elements:
Brian Rogers as "The Grinch"
Roast Beast

A Ten and a Half foot pole
Five Gold Rings

Day 5

“Ladies and gentlemen,” bellows the owner of Joey’s Heart Stop Smorgasbord, “tonight we have a real treat for you! There is a brave soul who has come to challenge… THE ROAST BEAST!”

The crowd gathered around the inside of the cleared out dining area of the restaurant gasp. Their surprise turns into excited murmuring that increases in volume.

The owner speaks up over the crowd, “Allow me to introduce you to… Brian “The Grinch” Rogers!” He waves his hand to the side and the indicated gentlemen in a t-shirt that reads ‘I came. I saw. I conquered the buffet.’ Steps up next to him.

Brian waves to the crowd and says with a smile, “Please, Steve, just call me Grinch.”

Steve nods and claps his hands together forcefully. “Mr. Grinch here has volunteered to take on the Heart Stop Smorgasbord’s biggest food challenge ever!” They walk around the side to a set of tables that have been pushed together like a giant formal dining table. On top of the table are five giant serving plates over two foot wide each, set side by side along the length like the 5 gold rings of Christmas. Steve nods towards a waiter who opens up the kitchen doors and holds them open as a troupe of waiters come out with a giant pole. They march over like an army and set the monstrosity on top of the gold plates.

Steve walks the length as he says in an ominous tone. “I present to you, THE ROAST BEAST! A sandwich of colossal proportions! This eight inch thick sandwich is the biggest Philly Cheese Steak in the world! It’s so long, it requires a ten and a half foot pole to deliver it to the table!”

A lady in the front puts her hands up to her cheeks and screams out in dismay, “How many animals had to DIE for that… that… THING!”

Steve chuckles and turns towards Brian. “Grinch. No one has EVER managed to beat THE ROAST BEAST before… Good luck! We have paramedics standing by… you’re time starts… NOW!”

After eyeballing the entire length, Grinch gets right to work. In a matter of minutes he has several feet of the sandwich gobbled down. He attacks it with the ferocity of a soccer mom on black Friday. From his display, it is quite questionable if he’s ever heard of the terms ‘table manners’ or ‘moderation.’

His gluttony seems to know no bounds as people start feeling ill just from watching him rip the mounds of meat apart with his bare hands. Grinch’s stomach is distended to the point of absurdity as he licks off the last remnants.

Steve says shakily, “W-we have… a winner. Congrats… How do you feel?”

“I feel Goo-” With that utterance, Brian unleashed a tidal-wave of disgust over the entire crowd. Survivors later were quoted as being emotionally traumatized and seeing ‘all of the colors of the rainbow come in a tsunami.’

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

12 Days of Christmas - Day 4
500 words
Theme: Muppet’s Christmas Carol

Elements:
Michael Caine
Have to use Muppet’s as Characters

The Song: I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas

Day 4

“Hi ho, Kermit theee Frog here… We’re behind the scenes of the 2014 Muppet’s Christmas Charity concert. Let’s take a peek at the preparations for tonight’s concert!” Kermit turns around and starts walking down the aisle of seats, with the camera following closely behind. Kermit turns around and points off to the side. “Everyone is working so hard to get the concert ready!”

The camera follows Kermit’s hand off to the right to a group of chickens. The chickens hop around with various decorations in their mouth and hang them along the walls. Some get loaded into sling shots and fired high in the air. One comes crashing down next to Kermit.

Kermit cringes and looks down at the chicken. “Careful ladies… I bet they wish they could fly now…” A feathered hand comes from the ground and gives a thumbs up before flopping back down. Kermit continues the tour up front where an older man in a conductor’s uniform stands in front of a set of three vegetable stalls. He taps his wand and the vegetables all turn to face him.

Kermit hops excitedly. “Oh! We’re just in time for a dress rehearsal! Let’s watch!”

The man waves the wand around, and the music strikes up, and when he makes a decided flick towards them the Vegetables start singing, “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmaaaas …”

Kermit shifts around and slowly turns towards the camera. “Well… it’s not exactly an orthodox Christmas song… but I guess it has its merits…”

One of the boxes near the vegetables stands flops open and reveals Animal playing drums.

Kermit comments, “They still have a bit to go with the scenery. I hope it doesn’t flop down like that during the show or it might be embarrassing… wait… Isn’t the tempo getting a little fast?” He lowers his microphone then shakes his head violently and runs up near the stage. “Animal! Stoop! You’re playing the wrong song! That’s Moby Dick!” There’s no sign of stopping and instead Animal picks up to a blistering pace. Kermit screams. “This isn’t a Led Zeppelin tribute!”

The drums go faster and faster until everyone stops and watches as Animal plays and screams “Animal! AAANIMAL! ANIMAAALLLLLL!”

The conductor throws his stick down on the ground, then his hands up in the air in exasperation as the entire number falls apart.

Kermit turns to the camera and frowns. “I feel bad for Sir Michael Caine. He’s worked so hard to get this production going, I can only imagine his frustrations at these last minute set backs.

Miss Piggy walks out from the side and stands next to Kermit. “Kermiii!”

Kermit turns and asks, “Oh, hi Ms. Piggy. I figured you’d be in this number.”

“WHAT?! WHY?! Because I’m FAT?! Is that what you’re trying to say?!”

“N-no I didn’t mean anything like tha-“

“HiiiYYAAA!!!” Piggy karate kicks Kermit into the far side wall.

Kermit says with a grumble, “Kermit the Frog here… signing off,” before falling to the ground.

On the third day of Christmas

12 Days of Christmas - Day 3
400 words
Theme: Love Actually
Elements:
Alan Rickman
The Song: Christmas is all Around by Billy Mack

Day 3



For Billy, Christmas was the worst. Being a dark, moody, Gothic personality, he prefers Halloween. “Christmas cheer” made him nauseous. That, and the fact he never got what he really wanted. So, all in all, it was a waste of energy. This year, however, Billy got exactly what he wanted for Christmas.

When he came downstairs that morning, he found his family already watching tv. He pilfered his chosen candy cane, blue and white, and snooped over their shoulders.

The tv zips from one scene of horrors to another in a montage of riots. The tic bar at the bottom streams random numbers with casualty estimates.

Billy slurps his candy. “What movie’s this?”

His mother turns around while holding his sister tightly to her and tears in her eyes. “It’s not a movie… this is LIVE.”

Billy looks back as the view switches to a reporter at a blockade. Police fire into groups of people, who don’t seem to care. The police get quickly overrun, and the reporter bolts, as the cameraman films the officers turned to meatfetti.

His mother shrieks and covers her daughter’s eyes, “Don’t look!”

Billy nearly drops his candy as he sees one of the people. Most of their abdomen is missing and they hobble as quickly as their mangled legs can carry them. Billy says quietly, “Zombies…” He shrugs and says off-handedly. “They shoulda shot’em in the head…”

His sister shrieks, “Oh No! Isn’t that Alan Rickman?”

“Who?” their mother questions.

Billy shakes his head. “Of course the fan-girl is going to know who SNAPE is… Don’t worry… he’s practically undead anyway… they won’t bother him…” A few seconds later Billy is shown just how wrong he is. “Whoda thunk it…” His sister screams out in dismay, as her O.T.P. is overrun.

His friend, Johnny, comes in and plops down on the floor. He unzips his duffle and shows off an array of weaponry. Johnny hand’s Billy a Katana. “Ready to play whack-a-corpse?”

Johnny taps his mp3 player and it chimes, “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my tooes-“ Johnny slaps it off.

Billy stands aghast. “What’s THAT?!”

“Sorry… Mom used it for a holiday mix… here.” Johnny hits the button again and it roars, “Let the bodies hit the floor!”

Billy squeals, “Best Christmas EVER!” Then screams as they run out of the house. “Let the bodies hit the FLOOOOOOORRR!”

On the second day of Christmas

12 Days of Christmas - Day 2
400 words
Theme: It's a Wonderful Life
Elements:
Something with bells. Not Angels. Relates to Demons and or Gargoyles
Bauble
Garland
Charlie Brown

Day 2

In Saint Andrews Cathedral the temperature is a bit chill and breezy, yet comfortable. The weather outside is fierce and can be heard howling through the church’s thick walls. A cabinet opens and simultaneously the head of a young boy appears.

The young boy hops out after making sure the coast is clear. He walks up to an alcove in the side of the grand hall and eyeballs a collection of hanging bells. He grabs one of the candle extinguishers from the wall and slowly starts taping the bells and makes the hall echo with their sweet chiming.

He lays his head over his folded arms on the table. His eyes stay fixed on the bells, even as a large shadow starts growing over him. A grough voice demands, “What are YOU doing here?”

The young boy turns around lazily and stares up at his challenger, a large man sized gargoyle with oversized wings and a typically grotesque face. The boy thumbs towards the front of the hall. “I hid out again. Also, I’d like to do something for Father Malloy. If that’s okay.”

The gargoyle kneels down and grins with a full faced snarl. “What’d you have in mind, Albert?”

Shortly after the hall has gargoyles of various sizes running about. Albert is directing them and sorting various decorations they bring.

The large gargoyle sets a tall hat stand in the center. “Will this work?”

Albert nods energetically. “Thanks Chad. Now just hang the lights and circle it with the garland…”

A short gargoyle with an abundant belly hobbles over with an armful of junk. “Look! I’s finds pretties!”

Chad chuckles. “He thinks anything shiny is a bauble to collect…”

A loud screeching comes from outside. Shortly after a granite bulldog comes scampering up to Albert.

Albert kneels down. “Stella? What’s in your mouth?”

Stella lets a mouthful of red slowly falls to the floor in a blob of drool. Chad stares at it and says with a growl, “An Imp’s wing…”

Albert slowly backs into Chad, who wraps his wing around Albert and says with a snarl, “Don’t worry. You are safe in here… Gargoyles are destined to drive off demons, you know.”

Albert looks up and smiles through his obvious fear. “It’s nice to have someone who cares about me.” He looks down as he says softly, “Most don’t. Like I’m Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree or something…”

On the first Day of Christmas

The Iron Writer has thrown out another Challenge. To write a short flash fic story each of the twelve Days of Christmas. Each one will have it's own elements, twists, and movie theme.


12 Days of Christmas - Day 1
400 words
Theme: A Christmas Story
Elements:
A Double Dog Dare
A Red Rider BB Gun
Turkey Eating Dogs

Day 1

Crawling on my belly I slowly crest the hill with my cowboy hat shielding my eyes. I glance to both sides, the rest of my posse waits for my signal. These cattle rustlers have made their last mistake. Aiming carefully, I take the honor of vanguarding the salvo that soon follows. It’s over in seconds. The fiends lay motionless in the dirt.

Johnny stands up and waves his rifle in the air. “We got those A-holes!”

Billy looks at him horrified. “Aaawww! You said a bad word!”

Johnny runs across the playground and begins claiming his kills. Tin cans, paper plates, and magazine clippings lay defeated. Billy rebuts Johnny’s claim to several kills. Their squabbling quickly escalates into ground wrestling.

When will they grow up? Next year’s middle school. We’re practically adults, they should start acting like it.

Something whizzing past my nose pulls me out of my thoughts before Johnny yells, “Hey! I killed this one, right?!”

Billy groans, “Ohhh MAN! ... Johnny! You butt-head! You threw it into old man Raymond’s yard!”

I follow Billy’s finger to the little blue ball just inside the neighborhood demon’s fence.

Johnny’s shoulders slump. “I’ll… buy you another”

Billy gazelle punches him. “My grandma gave me that!”

“Why don’t you go get it Johnny?” I ask.

“Why don’t YOU?!”

“I dare ya…”

Johnny points dramatically at me. “I double DOG DARE you!”

Billy whispers, “A double Dog dare… you gotta do it now…”

It’s true. A double dog dare HAS to be done… it’s man code 101. I set aside my trusty Red Rider BB gun and head for the fence. To them I seem fearless. In reality, I’m so scared I may pee myself. I jump the fence and retrieve the ball. Turning back I notice, to my horror, Raymond’s hellhounds: five little beasties with the charisma of hungry velociraptors. I barrel through the metal gate of their pin. They noisily give chase and, as I race past his door, the devil incarnate steps out and screams, “What’s all this racket?!”

I springboard off his patio table into the bushes next door. Inside the hedge I can see into Raymond’s dining room. All five mongrels are on the table destroying Christmas dinner. The poor turkey is shredded and thrown everywhere, just as Mr. Raymond returns. His shriek matches how the neighborhood kids feel when he gives their toys to his dogs.